Monkey Battle

          I was watching Animal Planet when I got this idea. Now, Im quite sure PETA and other insane animal rights activists would bitch about this, but its hilarity more than makes up for its Un-political correctness. So here goes.

          Almost any animal can be taken from the wild and trained. The younger the animal is, the better the training sticks to them.  Of course, certain amounts of intelligence and un-fierceness are required from the animals. You can't take lions and make them house pets that sleep with you, because they will eat you out of instinctive hunting-ness one night; just as you cant take parrots and get them to open doors. The easiest of these animals to train are monkeys...and I guess dolphins.

          So heres the idea. We get several off the wall animals. These could include any or all of the following: badgers, aardvarks, platypuses, those tiny tiny white monkeys, possums, and those lizards that run on water. Ok. So we take these animals, and train them fiercely. We teach them to battle it out with one another. Once properly trained, we pit them against each other in arenas for death battles. We could have more than two animals battle at once of course, as long as it was fair.

          But thats not the best part. Lets say these battling attack badgers get out of control. What we would do is bring in chimpanzees. Chimps show a very large capacity for being properly trained...so we could get them to do anything. So what we do is give them stun guns...or I guess Billy clubs: Turning them into Riot Monkeys. They can have the armor and face masks too. But if things get really bad, well bring in the attack chickens.

          Thats right. I said attack chickens. You know those chickens that fight to the death with their claws? Well our chickens will be just like that, only well put razor blades on their feet. HaH. Lets see you riot now, you damn badgers.